Greatest Hits Archives From TheRalphRetort.com

Greatest Hits Archives From TheRalphRetort.com

WildGoose, Author at TheRalphRetort.com (archive.ph)

Right Wing Dox Squads: The Second Coming of the Internet Hate Machine

SEPTEMBER 23, 2016

It’s time to abandon the cuckold subversives and degenerates who prioritize public perception over victory. Leftist attacks come in a ruthlessly violent form and the popular consensus of those who oppose them is that we shouldn’t “lower ourselves” to their standards by any means, even if it means losing the battle or falling prey to doxing. Fighting to win is not a sin and this faulty equivalent often comes at the cost of effectiveness and lulls its proponents into a false sense of moral sanctity. Quoting Hitler doesn’t make you a Nazi and–likewise–quoting Martin Luther King Jr. doesn’t make you a civil rights leader. Concerning ourselves with the good opinion of others is a wasted effort if we’re going to be demonized anyways.

America is entering the most volatile period of its election season and the emotional baggage that follows is only going to incite more outrage on both sides of the political spectrum. This means more people being fired from their jobs for holding right-wing points of view and more people being viciously assaulted by feral agitators. Even if you aren’t willing to throw a punch in the name of a political agenda, you should at least be willing to defend yourself on a personal level.

No war was ever won without violence and allowing your enemy to steamroll you has never been a winning tactic. However, I won’t be advocating or condoning violence today. This is simply an outline of common sense tactics that can be employed to protect yourself and fight back in the information war. If you’re expecting a think-piece on the moral implications of doxing and you feel that “doing [insert tactic here] makes us just like the SJWs,” then you’ve completely missed the point and I wouldn’t read any further.

Recently, there were a couple of threads on 4chan’s /pol/ where users investigated a liberal shut-in who called the workplace of a Black Lives Matter critic and had them fired. Social Justice Warriors will often brag about using these tactics and do so without any veil of anonymity, which is–of course–very helpful to anyone seeking to return the favor in kind. While /pol/ ultimately found the information on the perpetrator, I did note a few common mistakes in their digging process as well as some suggestions for future reference.

Keep it small. 

Having too many people directly involved in a dig can really hamper progress in situations that are especially time-sensitive. Four or five dedicated people in a small chat can accomplish much more in a shorter amount of time than a hundred people on a Chan board operating outside of their expertise. Dozens of people constantly questioning the motive or target of the dig after it’s already been well-established will be a cancerous drag on forward momentum. Also, having too many people involved will increase the repetition of previously invalidated information and lead others down dead-end trails.

Keep it simple.

Tools like Pipl and White Pages are useful for immediate results, but many times your best friend is going to be Google of all things. Using the right combination of name and location in a search query can pull up public records and even old accounts buried by years of inactivity. Understanding how to use proper search syntax and operators is an invaluable skill when looking for obscure information. Also, a target’s worst enemy is often their personal or business website (see the owner of this site) and if they happen to have one listed in their social media bio, that’s always the first thing to check against the Whois domain registry. Whois has saved a lot of time on many occasions, especially when targeting e-celebs.

Docs before dox.

Many data aggregation sites like RedfinSpokeoIntelius, and Radaris are simply pulling information from utility bills and government public record databases. Don’t pay for any of these services when you can find the same information for free. Knowing the actual source of the information gathered isn’t only helpful in verifying its authenticity, but it will often produce other information you weren’t seeking in the first place. For instance, if you know the targets general location, you can find out what county they’re in and look up “X county court records search” and in many cases there will be a way to search for court dockets, mug shots, traffic tickets, marriage certificates, and even property records. This not only helps you to verify locations, relationships between the target’s family members, but it could also produce dirt that was previously unknown.

The devil’s in the details.

If you think you know where a target lives or where they work, scour their social media posts for any mention of it. Even if you’re working without a site like Twitter that allows you to search for specific keywords in the target’s posts, you can still make use of our buddy Google to search the appropriate keywords along with the profile name. Any small mention to and from them could help confirm key bits of information and lead you down the right trail. Podcasts and YouTube live-streams are another common place where targets leave identifying information, but–depending on how familiar you are with the target–finding these sound-bytes can be tedious and time-consuming.

Take action.

What you do with a target’s full dossier is entirely up to you and depends on the objective of the dig in the first place. Sometimes, the goal is to alert the local authorities about illegal behavior being broadcast online and sometimes the goal is to just send a flood of free tampons to their home. I don’t condone doing anything illegal with the information you find. I definitely do not condone sending wave after wave of fast food, holy books, gay porn catalogs, bricks, emergency plumbers, locksmiths, transgender escorts, or freeze-dried bear shit to anyone’s home. This is immoral and in many cases illegal. I also disavow using the US Postal Service site to set up an account in the target’s name to send free shipping supplies and thousands of boxes to their home or placing a mail hold (prevents any mail from going to their home) on the target’s address for a month.

Dox responsibly.

Stay safe out there and if you find that you’ve been doxed, just keep calm and delete everything.

Jailhouse Ralph

SEPTEMBER 6, 2016

The news about Ethan’s recent absence came out yesterday and it might be prudent to offer some sort of explanation for what’s going on with the site and how things are being run. Ralph already vaguely explained his disappearance earlier this week in a post he dictated to Nora over the phone, but I don’t think he was able to explain things well that way; also, his arrest wasn’t common knowledge at that point. If it had been up to me, I wouldn’t have said anything about anything. His site is still running at full steam. I’m not going to call attention to the person who leaked this stuff, but yes, it was leaked by somebody who was upset about my recent article concerning Gab.

This is really for people that actually care about Ethan and want more information about what’s going on. Obviously, there’s some vindictive people out there who are taking pleasure in watching him suffer, so this isn’t really going to quell any of the goofy conspiracy theories being circulated. This is why I don’t bother hiding my real thoughts about things. Many of the people getting their rocks off on this are people who would lead you to believe they’re on this virtuous holier-than-thou pedestal (See: GamerGate Harassment Patrol), but they always show their true colors when it comes to the showdown. E-celebs are cancer, but that’s a story for a different time.

I found out about Ralph’s arrest from someone who was physically there last week and I didn’t believe it at first, but I called up the jail and–sure enough–he was in processing and had just been cuffed a couple hours earlier. Eventually, we told Nora about it, everyone else woke up, and we started deliberating as to what should be done. The priority was figuring out what exactly happened to him, so we agreed to keep things down low until we could speak to Ralph and figure out what happened and what he wanted us to do. Nora was in touch with a family member of his and wasn’t able to speak to him until after Thursday evening. In the meantime, she purchased a VoIP number so Ralph could have a domestic number he could call. Unfortunately, you can’t dial international numbers from American jails.

The charges made against Ethan are blown out of proportion and the evidence will likely result in reduced charges once this goes to trial (if not total vindication). I’m not going into any specific details since everything is still pending and I don’t want any retarded internet crap interfering with his case. As funny as some of the memes are, Ralph won’t need to dig himself out and build a boat with Morgan Freeman anytime soon.

There’s more wild conspiracy theories that I can’t really be bothered to address in this, but I guess I’ll at least swat a few down:

Ralph’s Twitter has been in the hands of his friends since his arrest.

Ralph still owns The Ralph Retort.

This isn’t a violent blog takeover by Nora and Goose.

Ralph isn’t tweeting from jail.

Nora has a US VoIP number that Ralph is able to call and he’s in frequent contact with her.

Ralph did not have sexual relations with that girl behind Arby’s.

I sent some cash to Ralph earlier this week. He’s going to be in there for a little while and money helps with buying snacks and whatever it is that inmates typically buy. If you’d like to send help, he’ll definitely appreciate it. Keep in mind, there’s a crappy fee, but it’s the best way I’ve found to deposit money in his trust fund. The site’s called ConnectNetwork. Just look up Ethan Ralph at Loudoun County Jail in Virginia and his name should pop up. Just shoot me a line on Twitter if you have any issues with that. Here’s the link: https://web.connectnetwork.com/facilities/

Happy Mother’s Day to my Mom, Sandra

In Memoriam: Ronnie Ralph

I’ve written many articles on this site over the years, but I think this one is the hardest. How can you do justice to a deceased parent with a blog post? What about the detractors who will say it is a cynical ploy for sympathy? How real is too real, given the inclinations of the internet, which I well know? These are all real concerns, yet, I am writing the article anyway.

In reality, there is no way to do justice to my father, Ronald Eugene Ralph, with a mere blog posting. He gave me so much of who I am today. My love of politics, history, classic cinema and television, comedy, wrestling, my mannerisms, many of my sayings…they all trace back to him. I love him and I will always miss him. No words can bring him back or fully encapsulate what he has meant in my life.

Still, I think it worthwhile to try.

As for the detractors. well, they will go after anything I do. Say I didn’t write this article, or put out the tweets last night about his death, or mention it on my show. Then, months later, it came out that my Father had died. They would criticize me for not mentioning it and tell the world I didn’t love him. You literally cannot please people like that, so why even try? And, frankly, I still consider myself a writer, even if I don’t write nearly as much as I used to. Part of being a writer is putting yourself out there. Not everyone chose the path I did, but everyone knows pain, everyone knows struggle, and everyone knows happiness, however small.

I’ve written about almost every single triumph and tragedy in my life over the last 5 years. I see no reason to stop now.

How real is too real? Well, there is definitely a line, at least in this space. I think I could write a compelling full-length book about my Father and the relationship I had with him. He was a complex man, to be sure. One thing I never doubted, though, was his love for me. He and my Mother divorced when I was around 12. It wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows throughout the course of my childhood. One thing she never did, however, was train me to hate him, keep me from him, or encourage me to distance myself. Quite the contrary. They loved each other in spite of the demise of their marriage. To be honest with you, I think my Mom has been just as affected by this whole thing as I have, if not more so.

I’m getting off track. This post isn’t about all those ancillary concerns. It’s about my Daddy. Or, as I called him in later years, my Pops. I actually picked that up off Sanford and Son, which we used to watch together. At a certain age, I started to get self-conscious about calling him Daddy, the same as I was about calling my Mamma, uh, Mamma. I use Mother and Pops now, but growing up, I called them Mamma and Daddy. I kind of feel bad about the switch up in moments like these, but I think most of you can understand how it is. At a certain age, some terms become “uncool.” It seems silly now, but at the time, it did not.

As I mentioned at the top, my Father’s name was Ronald Ralph, but I don’t think I ever heard anyone call him that. He was universally Ronnie, except to me, since, well, I was his son and I don’t call my parents by their actual names. I think most people are with me on that. I had a couple friends who did and it always seemed a bit off, although at least one of them did it for comedy purposes. Anyway, I could sit here and write ten pages on how he influenced me, but I guess I will try to keep it to a reasonable length.

John Ford, W.C. Fields, Jim Rockford, Clint Eastwood, John Wayne, Jerry Lawler, Redd Foxx…all of them came to me through my Daddy. I remember being a kid and wondering how he could sit there and watch the news or old black and white movies. Until the age of 10 or so, I had a strong distaste for any programming that wasn’t in color, or just “new.” I used to razz both of my parents for watching classic films. I figured it must be shit if the producers couldn’t even be bothered to use color. It also seemed sort of otherworldly, for some reason.

As I got older, I realized that I had been an idiot. Some of my fondest memories of my Dad involve us watching many of the seminal works I turned my nose up to as a child. His encyclopedic knowledge of the Golden Age of Hollywood is still something I marvel at. It wasn’t just that, though. I can honestly say that he was one of the smartest people I ever knew in my life. He knew about history, he knew about politics, he knew about science…yet he never had a college degree. If he had tried for it, I have zero doubt he could have been a professor or something of that nature. I think he would have been a good one, now that I consider it.

What did he actually do for a living? Growing up, he worked construction with my grandfather. He once owned a liquor store. At one point, he was a licensed realtor. In the later years, he was a tanker-truck driver. I’m not sure one could find a more varied list of occupations. I sort of envy it, because it sounds like a lot of fun. Obviously, it wasn’t all copacetic, or else he would have stuck with one throughout. But just experiencing all that, the stories you gain alone…it sounded amazing.

I feel like I’m meandering a bit, but I can’t help myself. It’s sort of hard to put his influence into words. He wasn’t perfect by any means, and I’m not either. So, I don’t want this to come across as some sort of hagiography. When I sit and take stock of my life, however, I have to say that a lot of it came from him. For instance, I wanted a dog growing up, as most boys do. I did have one, but it lived outside outside at my grandparents’ house, for various reasons. But I wanted one to live with me and be able to come inside. One day, I came home from school and he told me to go check the bathroom. I did, and saw a small black labrador puppy peeking over the side of the tub.

The dog was so small that it couldn’t get over the 18 inch barrier. Sadie, as she came to be known for 15 years, had decided to lay down underneath the tire of my brother’s school bus that morning. My Dad caught it out of the corner of his eye and stopped the driver from killing her, and eventually, she became our dog. This may sound weird to those of you who don’t have pets, but that dog ended up being one of the best things that I’ve ever had in this life. I actually just now remembered to mention that while I was writing this memorial. I would give anything to have one more weekend with that dog.

I can say the same about Pops. It wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows, but I loved him and he loved me. I remember something he told me. It was during some histrionics I was having about a friend of mine. I can’t even recall the particulars of that now, to be honest. He said, “When it comes down to the nut-cutting, all you will have is your family. Me, your Mother, your grandparents. At the end of the day, we will always be here and they won’t.” He was right, to a certain extent. Always is the operative term. They were always there, while they were here, alive. But no one lives forever. One of the hardest things about him dying is the idea that my entire childhood, my entire frame of reference, is also slipping away, day by day.

It still lives on, though. In me, in my mind, in the shared memories from those who were also there. I guess the most heartbreaking part is that for some of this stuff, no one else was there except him, myself, my brother (who has severe cerebral palsy), and my mother. My grandparents were there too, but they’re gone. What do you do when it all goes away? I guess all we can do is cherish the moments we had, share the memories that are worth sharing, and look towards building our own legacy.

I know that’s what he would have wanted. I could share many other stories, add more detail to a life that you certainly know nothing about besides what I’ve told you here. No, I will leave it with this: I miss you, Daddy, and I always will. I hope someday we will meet again. I love you, and I’m sad that I can’t tell that to you in person any longer. If you are able to see Granny and Papaw, tell them that I love and miss them too. Oh, and don’t eat all the Pancho’s Dip. I’ll be there soon…but hopefully not too soon.

***********

I want to thank all the many people who have reached out to me in the wake of this. It has been quite touching and I don’t think I could ever convey how much it has meant to me. Folks you know, those you don’t, they all chimed in…it’s meant a lot and I will always appreciate it. The memorial service will most likely be held during the week of April 15th. Some people have asked about where they can send flowers, etc., but I don’t have the details setup up as of this moment. If you want to make a donation in lieu of flowers, go ahead and make it in my father’s name to St. Jude’s Children’s Research Hospital. No, I am not kidding. Even with all that happened to me the last time I tried to raise money for them, it’s still my favorite charity.

The Final Farewell

Almost 5 years years ago, I met the best person I’ve ever known. The first time I talked to her was on air, in front of you all. In some ways, it was kind of a fairy tale. But, we’re in real life, as you know. Ordinarily, it wouldn’t really be any of your business what goes on with my marriage, but I’ve always been real with the viewers and readers. So, I’m writing you this statement today.

Nora and I have gotten divorced. We still love and care for each other, and we’ll always be friends. But, we’re headed down two different paths. I used to make fun of these types of statements, and I probably still will. In this case, however, it’s 100% true. Our life together, due to these divergent paths, has simply become unmanageable. There is no smoking gun, or juicy dirt here. It’s just not gonna work and we have to move on.

I’m a tabloid guy, so, I realize how this will be played by some. I do not begrudge them that. I also have no ill will towards Nora. She stuck by me throughout the toughest time in my life and I will always be grateful for that. Now, it’s time for us to part ways, but I absolutely could not have accomplished what I have without her. I wish her the best, as she does me. I could wax poetic about her qualities for quite some time, but, I will just say that she’s awesome and I want her to have all the success in the world.

I guess that’s about it! Thank you for the support. It means a lot to me, as it meant a lot to her over the years. I won’t have much more to say on this topic, well, besides the occasional self-deprecating joke. But, I appreciate you reading this here today.

As always, the show must go on…and it will.

Thank you.

Sincerely,

Ethan Ralph

The Sunset Mindset

Originally published on September 27th, 2020. Some sort of site error messed up the original post.
This morning, I woke up to an extraordinary claim being leveled against me. Some fat cow in Phoenix that I made fun of a few times has accused me of flagging her channel. Keep in mind, this same fat cow has countless clips of mine on that same channel. I could literally take it down at any time with arguably legitimate copyright claims. I have not done that and will not do that, so when you see the fake reports that are sure to follow this article, I want you to remember this statement.

This business is an interesting one. On one hand, they tell you not to respond to “trolls.”
Don’t feed them! Don’t give them more material, what are you doing? Surely you, the longtime host of the Killstream, understand this maxim!” 
Yes, I do understand it. It is usually the best piece of advice you can give someone in my position. However, there are two problems:
  1. I’m not very good at ignoring bullshit, and I never have been. The whole reason I’ve gotten known in the first place is because of extreme pettiness and nasty takedowns. It doesn’t come naturally to me.
  2. Silence in the face of massive slander and libel is not always the right call.
So, today I’ve decided to step out of the shell of silence and address a few things.
Right at the top of the list: the bitch I mentioned in the open is crazy and completely obsessed with me. I honestly don’t feel like counting all the tweets I just linked, but the mention number is in the hundreds based only off a search of my last name. If you count all the variations and tweets where I’m not mentioned by name, it could very well be in the thousands…and this is just since May 2020. Add that in with probably 50 (or more) clips posted on her YouTube channel, and perhaps you can begin to see the obsession.
At a certain point, it gets really hard to ignore a psychopath like this. You know you should, but it’s almost impossible. This is a person who has also participated in the doxing of your friends, the maligning of your recently-deceased fatherthe defense of posting your Social Security number online, attacks on your pregnant girlfriend, and much more. Suffice it to say, this woman is very mad online about yours truly. Now that all her lies about my personal life have fallen flat, now that it’s clear that none of the promises they made about me taking a new “vacation” are true, they’re throwing anything they can at the wall and hoping something will stick. This is their only real strategy against me and the Killstream.
Sadly, some are playing into their games. I’m not gonna go show you spergs a goddamn thing. It will only lead to idiots saying it was fake, or demands for more “evidence.” I won’t be participating in that nonsense. That’s a position I’ve held publicly for many years, by the way. People can either accept this is obviously flagrant bullshit, based on, you know, logic, and what I’ve laid out here. Or, they can believe it. Either one is more than fine with me.
I will end with something else, though. I don’t care what happens to people who hate me. In fact, I hope bad things happen to them. If this bitch died tomorrow, I would laugh. If it’s “fuck me,” then you know 100% that it’s “fuck you,” as well. This is how I’ve always lived my life, and it will continue until I’m in the dirt. Forget a channel: I hope your fucking plane goes down, the cancer diagnosis comes in, whatever other calamity you can possibly think of…
On that day, I’ll wake up to a different sort of news alert…and I’ll smile.

Life, Love, and the Known Unknowns